Dear Callen,
This weekend I’ve had to make the most difficult and painful decision I have ever had to make, more than moving to Utah. Tomorrow morning I am calling the vet to set up an appointment to have Tinsely put to sleep. It hurts so much to have to let him go, but at this time I don’t think I have another choice. He’s always been the most amazing friend to me, but to the rest of the world, he’s often kind of a jerk. People often claim I care for him more than you, which is only half true. He’s been everything to me and got me through the darkest times.
I got Tinsely about 7 months before you were born. Your mother and I were living in an apartment complex that didn’t allow pets, but she has always been in love with animals. There were many people in our complex that had tiny dogs, so it became hard to use that as an excuse to not get one. One day she found an abandoned dog and tried to adopt it behind my back. I’m pretty sure it was a matsiff or something crazy so that wasn’t going to happen. At that point, we decided to go looking for the right fit for our household.
We ended up going to a local pet store to look at dogs. I told her this was just an exploratory thing and in no way were we going home with a dog that day. She fell in love with many dogs, but I kept pushing back. Finally, we saw this little nugget that was being pushed around by his sister. I don’t know if it was the desire to get something small to not get in trouble, or just a connection to being the little guy but I fell in love but I bought him on the spot and never looked back.
Tinsley turned out to be an amazing dog. He was fun loving and immediately become part of the family. He was easy to housebreak, which is a lesson you could learn. He also started to gravitate towards me and away from your mother, which I appreciated. When she was pregnant he would pee on the couch whenever she would sit on it. It wasn’t funny then, but looking back it makes me laugh.
After you were born Tinsley loved you so much. He would hop into your rocker to cuddle when you were napping or just sleep right below you. Once you could walk you two would run around the backyard for hours. Being less than a year apart I always assumed you two would grow up together.
When your mother left I didn’t know what I was going to do. They were hectic days trying to figure out our future. Tinsley was always there for me, happy to see me whenever I walked in the door. When I worked late into the night he was by my feet, and when you got up early he was waiting by the crib. In my darkest times, he was a constant fixture of love and support. While there were many people that helped us get through this period, none were more important to me than Tinsely. He’s been the one constant who has always been there for both of us.
As much as I love this dog, I know he’s not perfect. He’s always been very possessive, not only about his stuff but your toys and clothes, especially socks. This isn’t abnormal for dogs, but he started displaying aggression to people who tried to get the items back. The rule of thumb became let him keep it or bribe him to give it back. I tried hard to train this behavior out of him but never had any luck. As I write this there is a number of toys and clothes at my feet under my desk.
As he became more possessive he became aggressive about it. He would nip at people who tried to take toys away from him. He has a bad startle reflect where he will lash out if you surprised him. Your Grammy became uncomfortable being around him, but she’s not a fan of dogs in general. It wasn’t just her, people started being afraid of him if I wasn’t around. A few times he nipped at you, but nothing serious. I kept blowing it off not wanting to accept that Tinsley was a danger to anyone.
When we got to Utah things were much of the same. He was my best friend (other than you) and helped both of us feel more at home with the transition. But he kept up his habits. He has nipped at you a few times, more serious than before, but I blew it off as being deserved for teasing him. I still avoided having to make this decision. The one night he was sleeping on the couch and I went to wake him up and he bit me, something I could have never imagined him doing. And it wasn’t just a nip, he bit me hard and I couldn’t bend my thumb for a week or so. The fact that he could bite me after 7 years really made me concerned.
I took him to the vet hoping for a solution. They recommended putting him down, but I was not ready for that. They recommended some medication, including this collar that was supposed to be soothing that we tried. I worked to a point, but until this weekend.
Yesterday we came in from playing on the playground and you belly flopped onto the couch. Tinsely was sleeping on the couch, but a few feet from where you landed. He got startled and lunged at you. Luckily he missed, but he knicked you on the forehead. He was an inch away from biting you in the eye. If that happened he could have done serious damage, I can no longer deny that he’s a danger to you.
This breaks my heart more than anything that else I could imagine, but I know it needs to be done. I considered trying to rehome him, but since he also bit me its unlikely we could find someone to take him in a reasonable time. I’m also concerned that if we did rehome him he could hurt someone else, and I don’t think I can live with that. My biggest fear is that he hurts someone else and they put him to sleep, and I’m not there by his side. If anyone needs to make this decision and be with him at the end it needs to be me.
I love this dog more than anything. He’s been there for me in a way no person could have been, as a constant reminder that everything will be okay and that no matter what we’re a team. In the next few days when I have to take him to the vet, I’m going to be sad and mad, I’m sorry about that. I know you’ll feel the same. We were lucky to have such an amazing friend in our life for these years, and he’ll always be a part of our story.
Love,
Daddy