November 18, 2016

Dear Callen,

In my last letter I mentioned that you were removed from daycare, but I don’t think I elaborated enough on my feelings. First let me tell you that I love you very much and to me you’re perfect. You can be a pain the ass from time to time, but I would never change anything about you or my life.

On the other hand I’m scared. When you were diagnosed last year with developmental and speech delays I was scared. When you were placed in the special education program at school I was scared. Even though I was scared about these situations, the idea was that you would grow out of them and that you would catch up to your peers someday.

I don’t know if that’s true anymore. You’re a wonderful kid who wants to be good, but there’s a disconnect with your actions. It’s easy to say that you’re only three and things will change, but as time goes by it becomes clear there’s more to this. We’re going to set up some appointments with your doctor and some specialists to get to the bottom of what’s going on. I promise that I’ll do whatever I can to make things better for you.

I’m more scared now than ever. I’m scared because I don’t know how to help you. I’m scared because I don’t know what’s wrong. But most of all I’m scared I’m not doing enough for you. I’m scared I’m not good enough to be the type of parent you need.

Fear can paralyze us. It can keep us from seeking the truth and finding the answers we need. I promise you that no matter how scary this situation is I’ll keep moving forward. We’ll find the root cause of your situation and face the answer together. As long as we stick together we can take on any challenge.

Love,

Daddy