November 19, 2016
Dear Callen,
Last night I had a few too many drinks and ended up texting an old girlfriend. I know dumb move, but that’s not the point of this letter. I’m either the best or worst person to give you relationship advice depending on how you look at it; so take it for what it’s worth. Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to date some wonderful women. Most of these relationships have gone up in flames, and other than your mother it’s always been my fault. The majority of the time its because I’ve been petty, insecure, and immature.
Thirteen years ago I moved to Florida and met an amazing woman. She was way out of my league but for some reason loved me. When our internships in Florida were done I asked her to marry me and for reasons I still don’t understand she said yes. Instead of going back to Michigan she moved to Massachusetts with me while I finished college. I screwed it up big time. Instead of understanding how she left everything she knew to move halfway across the country to be with me I was too concerned with what I wanted to do. Needless to say by the time our lease was up the following year she went back to Michigan with our future in doubt. We stayed in contact for awhile, but she knew it was over and I didn’t want to admit it. I loved her very much but I did a terrible job of telling her. To this day it is one of my biggest regrets, which is why I message her after too many drinks. There were women before and after her that I loved, but I always thought her and I would end up together. If there is a such thing as “the one” she was it. There was a red head right before her, but that’s complicated as well.
For a long time I thought if I had a mulligan I would go back to those days and do things right. After you came along that was no longer true. I would never change anything in my life that led me to the place where I had you. I hope that one day you have better luck in love than I have.
After your mother I made the choice to stay single. I’m worried about getting close to someone again and having her leave, but not for me for you. If that happens I worry that you will blame yourself. I worry that having two women abandon you will harm your ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Maybe someday when you are older I will change my mind. No matter what happens please always remember, it was never your fault. Your mother was forced to leave because she’s sick and can’t be around you unless she ever kicks her addiction. If someone else comes into our lives and leaves it will be my fault and not yours.
If you are lucky enough to find yourself in a relationship with someone you love don’t be an idiot like me. Treat them how they deserve to be treated. Tell them how you feel, but more importantly show them. Put their needs ahead of yours. Most importantly don’t take them granted. If you do you’ll be blindsided when they aren’t there anymore.
Love,
Daddy