September 4, 2016
Dear Callen,
For the last three years I’ve been writing you letters. Most of the time I wrote them sitting at my desk after you were in bed, like I am now. Other times they were just notes about what was going more, closer to a journal entry than a letter. A few, maybe a few too many, were written after having a few drinks, maybe a few too many of those as well. Someone recently suggested that a post these letters; that it could be therapeutic to myself and could possibly help others out. I highly doubt anyone will ever read these or that my ramblings could be of assistance to anyone, but I figured I would give it a shot. Since I’m doing this I want to make a few things clear:
- I love you very much. No matter what happens never forget that.
- For the two thirds of your life it’s been just you and me. Some of these letters mention your mother. I’ve done my best (or gone back and edited) to not be negative towards her. She’s your mother and I believe she does love you, but she’s not capable of caring for you right now.
- I’ve also kept out things about your mother. While you may one day learn more about her, that is not for me to tell. It is not my place to share her story.
- Being a parent is hard. Being your dad is really hard. I’m not perfect and I’ve made mistakes. I’ll make more, probably a lot more. I’m doing my best, but I often feel its not good enough for you. I hope that it will be.
- Read number 1 again.
Love,
Daddy